Why I’m Single…
A couple of weeks ago I went out with this guy I had met a few months ago. We went to the cinema to see 'The Illusionist', then went for a drink at a Yate's bar that we ended up leaving because the music kept getting louder and louder until we couldn't hear ourselves. Then we went to Starbucks, had a couple of hot chocolates with whipped cream and then we got the tube to my stop where he waited for me to get on my bus before he went off to get his bus. He is a really great guy; good looking, smart, ambitious, he's got a similar sense of right and wrong as I do and we echo a lot of each other's thoughts. So how come I don’t want to be anything other than friends.
I just had a text from this guy who I met about 9 months ago at a party. He's a friend of a friend and we got along really well that night. He's very sarcastic and cheeky like I am, and he was really generous, putting all our drinks on his tab. I got an email from my friend the Monday morning after I met him saying that I'd made quite an impression on him and he was asking her for my number. I wasn't interested and somehow she got the message across to him. Our paths crossed again a couple of months ago at her birthday party and once again, we got along really well. A couple of weeks later I bumped into him at my tube station. A month after that, I once again bumped into him at my tube station and he asked me for my number. Now, I'm really bad at making it clear to someone at the asking for my number stage that I'm not interested. I just think it's really presumptuous of me to go, 'obviously you fancy the pants off me which is why you're asking for my number. There's no way you could be possibly interested in just being friends because I'm that hot so sorry, no, you can't have my number because I'm not interested'... you get the point. So I gave him my number. A couple of weeks after that I bumped into him at Green park tube station (fate or what?). He called to ask me if I wanted to go to the cinema and maybe dinner and I said yes but realised that I had made other commitments so I cancelled. He's funny, intelligent and has a great job and all I want to be is friends.
A few days ago, I met up with this guy I know who recently moved to Austria. He was in town for the weekend and told me a while ago so I'd make some time to hang out with him. I met him at a party late last year when he still lived in London but due to his 'player' reputation, I refused to give him my number and didn't call him when he gave me his card and asked me to call him. I saw him a couple of months later at another party and he was really sweet and very attentive. Each time he walked past me, or I walked past him, he would make sure he stopped to say something, anything to me. And later, when we all moved on some dingy club packed with So Solid Crew wannabies, he offered to drive me home. We've stayed in touch over the months, bumped into each other at parties and the like in Lagos, and he's always made it pretty clear he likes me and he's always been really sweet to me. My official line for why I won't get involved with him is because I think he's too much of a player. Unofficially? Hmmm, I’m not sure.
I think my point is that I know (and have known) a lot of amazing guys. Guys that I wouldn't hesitate to fix my very best friends with, but when it comes down to it, I never give them a chance and I have no idea why that is. Actually, that's a lie; I know why it is ... I'm very afraid of commitment. And I've narrowed down the reason for my commitment phobia to a couple of reasons. The first is that I'm very happy with the way my life is at the moment and I'm scared of it changing. The second is that I'm scared of the lack of choice that comes with having a boyfriend ... what if I miss out on the love of my life because I'm dating someone?
And it’s not that I can’t see the advantages of being in a relationship … I really would like to be in a relationship. It’s just that every time I’m with someone where there is potential for something to happen, I panic and start to think of all the reasons why I don’t want to be tied down. Maybe I just haven’t met the right person …
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- I have completed exactly 47 Sudoku puzzles in my life - I can eat more chocolate/chocolate covered/chocolate infused products than anybody I know - My biggest ambition is to learn how to surf, and then hopefully the rest of my life will fall into place, allowing me to live by the beach and surf everyday for the rest of my life!
- I have completed exactly 47 Sudoku puzzles in my life - I can eat more chocolate/chocolate covered/chocolate infused products than anybody I know - My biggest ambition is to learn how to surf, and then hopefully the rest of my life will fall into place, allowing me to live by the beach and surf everyday for the rest of my life!
34 comments:
FIRST!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
TAKE THAT ALL YOU ..... (you know who you are)
Seriously I worry about you - you this girl. And I thought I was bad! I at least give guys a chance before backing out at first sign of a hurdle.
If you're always worried that the grass is greener elsewhere, how would you ever get involved with the one for you? Why do you think that you would know who your soulmate is without getting into a relationship with him first? I think that is a very idealistic (even presumptuous) view - it's almost as bad as saying you believe that when he comes along you will fall in love at first sight. I think the chance of finding true love is rare. Even rarer is recognising it for what it is. Life is not some romantic book or movie where you just know.
You know how many girls would love to be in your position? (me included :-D) Plus the guys don't sound like they are interested in you for superficial reasons so what is your problem?? I personally like the 2nd one. Wanna hook a sister up? ;-)
LOL at noni moss!! trying to get you to hook her up! but i agree with your last statement - you havent met the right guy yet!
Gosh, i wouldnt mind having all these guys gushing over me :) Have fun and enjoy all the attention right now...your ONE is somewhere out there and you'll meet him in due time.
Smallie, Stop thinkin 2 much, it takes the fun and the unpredicatbility of life out of it....Things will take its turn..ok????
That's OK. I was a commitment phobe throughout my 20s. I'm a lady too. I really enjoyed my single life and didn't wanna change things. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.You may change as you get older or you may not...however,you might want to project and ask yourself if you want to be married with kids 20 or 30 years down the line or not. Both options are OK as long as you are happy But if you see marriage in your long term plans it would be a good idea to start giving some guys a chance. No pressure though. All the best
We all have different comfort zones. I think you just haven't met someone you don't care about letting go being comfy. That's my take, but I may be wrong...
I like that you're listening to your heart. Sometimes, the choices seem easy and logical....but u should always go with ur gut. When u meet that one, you'll know, hopefully.
And thanks for stopping by as always....ur welcome to come thru 4 pounded yam any time!
I still think u havent met the right guy who will take away the phobia. Meanwhile enjoy the attention!
I used to be like you, always getting scared when I was getting close to a chick. I learnt to just go with the flow and not overthink things.
those guys are spoiling you men. All that friend friend bending over backwards thing, girls arent attracted to that. Women like bad boys. Not bad sha but guys that arent always beckoning to their everywhim. Thats why u're tripping over the "playa"
On an unrelated note: the word that is showing up here for me to verify my comment is "neggaz". Yeah, neggaz!
Me thinks this sounds like someone who is afraid of falling in love, not commitment.You do not want to get hurt.But these experiences shape the person you will become....bon voyage, becauseI believe you are on a journey.
Peace and love, Reader in Toronto.
To be in your shoes and have to make all these decisions... very appealing! LOL!!!
Seriously, it seems like you've given this a lot of thought - either because people have asked you about this or you think there is something "wrong".
How I wish I could talk like some people and say, "You haven't met the right person" but I do wonder about "stuff" like that.
You are young... enjoy life... take things in your stride...
Have a lovely week and enjoy Robin today o! Enjoy!
The choices we make in life can either make or mar us...
Please, make the right choice. There may not be a second chance
I think you just haven't met the right person,When you do there will be no excuses.
I understand this I'm very happy with the way my life is at the moment and I'm scared of it changing It is not selfish,just something being single allows you go through.Enjoy it while it lasts.
When love finds you,you life won't change but grow for good.
I dont think its that hard. You havent met the righty person is all. But you can amuse yourself in the mean time...LOL. Dont mind me...dont force things...
vickii,
u r not alone on this boat...i dont think u r afraid of commitments, i think u r afraid of getting hurt, or making the wrong choice... There r no guarantees in life though, so u mite just have to take a risk when it comes to relationships...but the one thing u must never do, is settle...dont settle if it doesnt feel rite to you..some mite call u picky and what not..but if it deosnt feel rite in ur gut...then tell him to keep it moving..or just keep him as a friend..well, if possible..lol
Glad you have great choices!...but in life, you've gotta to relax, fall in love and enjoy the moment. If the relationship is not right, you will know, but it will definitely be a worthwhile experience that will come in handy in your next 1. Holding back, being over judgemental and analytical only clogs your passion for a fun relationship. You're young...now is the time to enjoy what is out there! Live and Enjoy life!!!
I agree with your last statement. When the right person comes along, everything will change instantly. But don't just sit and wait for Mr. Right to show up, go out there and mingle.
You havent just met the right person yet when you do, you wont need to ask anyone any questions at all.
Vickii...
of course you would like to be in a relationship..
the thing is, it seems like you don't want to be in any old relationship.
You want something meaningful and not just a booty call right?.
well sometimes we are surrounded by the right people at the wrong time and the wrong people at the right time.
You are ready but the people around you might not be the right people for you.
I wonder if deep down inside we are incredibly scared to be vulnerable with other people.
Lol at Law Damsel calling Vickii smally. R u saying that you are tall?
Vickii, I am distributing love fever, you will soon catch it.
Vicki, I just have one question. How do you know you are no missing out on the person you are supposed to be with?
That is how I met S.O. Sexy. He was generally not my type- it started out as friends and we ended up hitched. Go figure...
I thin you should give them a fair shake...
Eya life as Vicki must be so hard....if u don't mind i can come and take over ur own life for just 1 week..i'm trying not to be selfish here.
Infact u know what I want to know these so called parties u go to in London and meet this people...cos it can be the dry London that me i know sha.
But hang in there your Adam is out there somewhere.
I agree with your last statement - I think you just haven't met 'him' yet. It's great that you're meeting good people though - but bear in mind that just because you're not that into someone today doesn't mean that might not change tomorrow. Never say never. All the best on your journey.
Girl quit beating yourself up. Stop trying to create chemistry where there is none.....most of the time we (females) know right off the bat if a dude is meant for us or not. I have a lot of guy friends too, i'ld hook them up with my girls but wouldn't even think of dating them....not 'cuz they fall short of anything but just simply 'cuz they ain't my type. Hang in there dear....when the right one come along you would know it
Your life don't have to change if you're not ready for it to. And when it comes to "what if I miss out on the love of my life because I'm dating someone?" -- the grass is not greener and you will not miss out on the love of your life by dating someone else - if anything you'll be open to meet the potential One by dating. Just because it hasn't happened, don't mean it won't so in the mean time enjoy yourself and it will probably happen then, when you least expect.
Stay sweet :)
x mwah x
wow.new to your blog!!as in chicks are really pimpin!!but i feel you on the guy front!!now is your time to shine-do you!!cos a few years back you were with yur parents or guardian and in a few years time, you will be with your husband(amen)!!so now is your time to really get to know you and enjoy you!!
my first thought is that you probably haven't met the right guy yet... but that comes from someone who is also afraid of committment herself (and has made the same realization as u have, that i've had great oppurtunities with amazing guys)... I hope its just that i haven't met the right guy and not me blocking myself from being in great relationships...
Vickii whats all this about not meeting the right person and you knowing instantly once you see the person? I used to think like that but perhaps its a wrong way to think.
Love isn't instant except for a small percentage of people who fall in love at first sight.
Its scary to put your heart on the line but if someone meets some certain criteria you have in your mind, then perhaps you should give the person a chance to take you on dates to get to know him better.
With all these stories we hear and things we see its easy to want to give up on menfolk all together but there must be lots of good ones out there.
Vickii, now is the time to really define what you want. When you are ready to settle down, you will know. But don't feel pressured to do anything. When you meet the right guy everything will click into place.
Wow, the most private person I know has a word blog AND IS CHATTING ABOUT HER LIFE???? Is this the same Vicky I know????
Waaazzzzuuuupppp Cuzzzzzzz?
You did not even tell me you had a word blog, I have known you all yoour life and I seem to be getting to know you from your blog (thats how private you are), as to being a commitment phob (understatement of the year in my book), you are such a closed book I was actually starting to wonder if you have ever had a boyfriend LOL. Naa on a serious tip, when you meet him you will know (or when you wake up one day 34 and single then you WILL KNOW) LOL
Now back to reading up about Vicky, still can't believe you have a blog :)
Suby
if you look at a guy and think, ' i don't want to be missing out on meeting mr right because i am dating someone' then they are not obviously 'it' but if you look at them and say, 'i want to spend the rest of my life with him and have his babies' then most probably he is 'it' :)
Be careful you don't fall in love with a Player who flies in low under your Radar.
Some guys (They are few but they exiist) can actually create Chemistry by just flicking a switch.I kid you not. Ask around.
Good luck girl. Mucho love.
...interesting read.
Like subby said, by the time u r 30+ and still single and those wonderful dudes aren't coming along, then u'll know. Jump in lady, u may even try them out for 2 weeks each while u try to make ur decision.
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