Thursday, September 28, 2006

Some Girls…

So, you know those girls right? The type who has been in a relationship since they discovered the opposite sex at the age of 12 - Yes, I know for some it was much earlier than that but for the sake of decency; we'll stick with 12. Anyway, they're now in their mid-twenties or nudging at their late twenties and they've been in at least four long term relationships, had countless flings and have 'been in love' God-knows-how-many times? You know the type; they find themselves alone for barely a couple of months in between relationships and complain that they feel lonely; 'after all what's the point of all the great experiences in life if you don't have anyone to share them with?' We're all friends with the type; we only hear from them when they've broken up with the most recent 'love of their life' and as soon as they meet their next 'soul mate', we're discarded to the furthest depths of their memories' along with winter clothes in the summer, feather boas and ugly shoes, except of course those items are aired more frequently than our friendship is. We all know the type. My question is; when did 'that type' become the norm???

I'm 24; I've had 3 relationships; none of them meaningful and none of them lasting very long. I just don't meet that many guys that make me want to give up my freedom. And why is that so unusual? I thought that the whole point of love is that it's supposed to be rare and hence; special. I'm still young, I have my entire life to settle down. I've had a few flings; some of them ill-advised attempts at making something out of nothing and others a genuine appreciation of time spent with someone with whom a relationship would never work. That doesn't make me easy ... in fact, I am anything but. I want to see the world and I'm more than happy to get going on my own, or with a few friends who I can stand to spend long amounts of time with. I want to be great at whatever I decide to do, I don't mind that I'm not one hundred percent sure what that is and most of all I like the freedom I believe I have earned. The freedom to be and do and say whatever the hell I like for no other reason other than the happiness it bestows upon the cockles of my heart.

Now I know this is the point at which some women reading will be shaking their heads, feeling sorry for me and thinking: 'She is too selfish and if she is not careful, then she will become set in her ways and then (shock) never get a man". The guys who are reading probably think I'm a player and sound like a bit of a good time girl. Well, to those people, I want to say I'm single by choice. I get a lot of relationship offers and here's a secret; guys actually like girls who don't depend on them for their very existence. I'll also have you know that I have every intention of settling down and I'm happy to admit I want children and all that good stuff but what is the rush?! I truly believe that for better or worse, one day I'm going to meet somebody who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and as I have every intention of living for a very long time (God willing), I repeat; What is the rush?

What really puzzles me is when 'those girls' became the norm and I became the radical? Those girls who I at best pity and at worst, want to shake and tell to stop being so pathetic, are now everywhere and I can't figure when it happened. Is it age? Is it something that is lying stagnant in all of us women waiting to be activated by some traumatic event like your younger sister getting married before you? (Please, please note the sarcasm with which that sentence was meant). Is it life experience? Is life really better as part of a twosome and am I just deluding myself into believing I am happy? Or is it that really, truly, every singleton only pretends to be like me until they find a man and thereby become a part of the privileged club that 'they' belong to?

Well they can have their precious club and everything that goes with it. I have no desire to become a card carrying member of the ‘I'm-a-mere-shell-of-a-woman-without-a-man’ posse. I'm just going to enjoy whatever is in store for me for now and let tomorrow (and hence potential man and child issues) take care of itself.


1. In the interest of fairness, I know a lot of men are just as bad. If you know any, please feel free to name and shame them but I personally haven't come across many.
2. For the guys, I don't hate men. I like men, I enjoy the company of men, I love having conversations with some men, I one day hope to settle down with a man and have his twins and spend the rest of my life with him etc; I don't however, need men/ a man.
3. For the women, I'm not against your having boyfriends/ meeting an amazing guy/ settling down nor am I jealous of any of the above. I am happy for you! All I'm saying is there is a lot more to you than being somebody's girlfriend/wife and you should enjoy being by yourself if you find yourself in that situation. After all, no man will ever love / respect/ know you like you deserve to be if you don't first love/ respect/ know yourself.