Show me your friends … Olivia and Bisola.

Ever heard that old saying, ‘show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are’? Or something like that. Anyway, the point is that your friends are a reflection of who you are. As a general rule, I don’t agree with that. Obviously, each of our friends appeal to a part of us but I think it is way too simplistic to say your friends are an identikit of you. Speaking for myself, none of my friends are anything like me, and there are times when I’ve wondered for the life of me why I am friends with certain people. So, below, I attempt to describe some of my friends and my relationships with them, please feel free to tell me what you think my friendships say about me.

Olivia: We met on our first day at university, lived together for two years and have stayed in touch in the three years since we graduated. We initially bonded over similar interests, we both loved pop music and had crushes on Eminem but over time we realised that we had a lot in common. I’m one of those people who has random thoughts and feelings that most people don’t understand but often, I would start to explain these to Olivia and she would finish off what I was trying to say; she knew exactly what I was feeling and was often feeling the same way. She’s also the one person I can have an amazing time with. If she’s in the right mood, then I can have the most fun with her. Also, if she’s in the right mood, I feel like I can tell her anything at all. The thing with Olivia is that she’s very self obsessed and it stems from insecurity. Odd because she’s one of the most beautiful girls I know. At university, you would see the recognition come across people’s faces when they were introduced to her because everyone had heard about her and how pretty she was. We went to NY together and she got asked to model and she had people coming up to her asking if she was an actress or a model because she looked like she was famous.

Because of her issues, I found she couldn’t be there for me if she felt she was dealing with something more important, and after a while I found that I didn’t feel like I could go to her if I was dealing with something. I often felt that we remained friends because she needed someone to listen to her and tell her what she needed to hear (which I’m particularly good at). One thing that would piss me off was having a conversation with Olivia that she wasn’t interested in. She would either not answer; she would simply not respond to what you said or what you asked or she would interrupt you and change the topic of conversation smack bang in the middle of whatever you were saying. After we finished uni, we went to NY together on holiday and it was the best and worst of Olivia all rolled into one. The first week was amazing but I spent most of the second week really annoyed at her. I decided in that week that there wasn’t any point in our being friends.

I stayed at our University to do an LLM and she moved to Russia for a while and I decided that I wouldn’t make any effort to continue our friendship because in the long run, I didn’t think she was a good friend to me. But she struggled those three months in Russia and I found I couldn’t cut her off when she was going through so much. We continued to talk and e-mail and at the moment we talk and see each other occasionally but I’ve found myself not actively trying to keep our friendship alive, and at the moment she has a boyfriend who she’s obsessed with so she’s not working at our friendship either so who knows, this could be it for us. If it is the end for us, I honestly feel like some parts of our friendship have been great and I don’t regret any of it for a second, but at the same time, I can’t say I’d be sad. And that’s what I find saddest of all.

Bisola: Bisola and I went to school together in Lagos for a year. We were part of a big group of friends and while we got along well, I wouldn’t say we were particularly close. I remember at the time I wished we were closer but I often felt I wasn’t popular enough, or cool enough or wild enough for her. After a year, I moved to England and less than a month after I arrived, I got a letter from Bisola and we continued to write each other for years after, during which she moved to Austria and then to the States. I still remember my surprise when I got that first letter from her. If you had asked me who I thought I would stay in touch with out of that group of friends, Bisola would have come in at maybe sixth or seventh on the list. As it was, I only really stayed in touch with her and one other girl who I’ll write about later.

We’re very different, Bisola and I. Apart from a mutual appreciation of fashion and certain writing ambitions, we’re not very similar at all, but somehow, it works. I’m not sure what role distance plays in our friendship … whether we’d be closer if we lived in the same country or whether our differences would have driven us apart by now. On the one hand, there’s a lot we haven’t experienced together (neither of us has seen the other drunk) but I can’t help thinking that means we haven’t had as many chances to piss each other off either. At the moment, we e-mail each other a lot and are both going to be in Nigeria at Christmas … a fact I’m so excited about I literally can’t wait!

On the whole, I’d definitely describe her as one of my best friends but also one of the people my age I most admire. She’s very driven and successful. She has accomplished more than anyone I know my age and she’s always trying to do more. At the moment, she’s the proud owner of a couple of properties, she’s writing a novel, currently mapping out ideas for a business book, organising a scholarship program for under privileged kids, trying to become a better photographer … oh and she has a full time job and a boyfriend!

There’s a lot more to write on my friends than I realised so I’ll continue this another time. In the meantime, I’m curious, am I the only one who has friends who are the complete opposite of me? What are your friends like?