Me v. Olawunmi: A little matter about a pre-nup.

I was out a couple of months ago for a friend’s leaving do. It was at a lovely bar; all white sofas and overpriced cocktails. In the corner was a huge TV screen and glued to it, (like a certain someone that night to her GQ cocktails) was a fellow blogger, and a very good one at that; Olawunmi. We fumbled through a conversation during which I must have made the terrible faux pas of commenting on his watching a game on a night out, when he turned to me just long to say: 'Have you read my blog on pre-nups. I'm having a clause included saying that my wife will have to allow me to watch all and any sports on TV in peace'. Can I point out here that his team wasn't even playing, though apparently, that is completely irrelevant as guys are capable of being extremely interested in any football game, regardless of who is playing. As a relatively new convert to Olawunmi's fascinating and incredibly well-written blog, I had been catching up on previous entries and had not come across said post yet.

So I was at work, kinda bored and I decided to dig into his blog archives and guess what I find? The infamous blog entitled 'I am going to get lynched for this'. Now, I know from the number of comments left by other women that I'm not the only one who has something to say about this, so here goes ...

I don’t normally agree with pre-nups. At least not the kind protecting somebody’s wealth or guaranteeing that a party benefits if the marriage fails. I’m not going to marry anybody who truly believes that I’ll try and take him for all he’s worth if we split up. I also wouldn’t marry somebody if I felt they would squeeze me dry given half a chance. Call me naïve, but I’d much rather be proven wrong time and again than never have that faith in the person I marry in the first place. I do however, find the concept of a pre-nup protecting certain relationship ‘rights’ intriguing. What follows is not so much my pre-nup but rather a reply to Olawunmi’s conditions which I think are probably typical of the average guys’.

One question first. Why is divorce such a dirty word? I hope and pray when I get married, it is for ever but you know what, shit happens. I believe in trying to make it work and I hate to see couples who have not yet tried everything else resort to divorce. On the other hand though, everyone has some limits; some things that they just won't put up with and I don't think there's any harm in making these known. Mine are infidelity and my husband hitting me. Everything else we'll work through. At least the man that marries me will know that if he cheats, and I find out, then it's over. It's not like I didn't warn him and he can't say he didn’t know what would happen if he got caught. Likewise, I would like to know what his deal breaker is, so I can do everything in my power to avoid committing it.

TV rights, my husband will be more than welcome to. But I will be insisting on a second (equally flash and expensive) TV for myself where I can watch my ‘24’, ‘Sex and the City’ and ‘Lost’ in peace. And it better be hooked up to Sky+ as well! If however, he happens to like some of the same shows as me, and it's that time every four years when the World cup is on and I actually care about football, then there's no harm in letting me cuddle up on our comfy sofa with him so we can actually get some couple time together. My future husband, please note that we'll both be busy professionals who are unlikely to have much ahem, 'personal time' together during the week, so if you'd rather spend your weekends in front of the TV, rather than in bed with me, then that's your prerogative, just don't let me hear you complaining about how you don’t get any! And please don't use the whole 'At least you know where I am. Would you rather I was out with my boys?' justification for your sports addiction. I don't care if you go out with your boys. You might as well go out with your boys for all the attention I'll get from you when there’s football on. In fact, I insist you go out with your boys, because I'm going to be making time for my girls. I'm a firm believer in having time apart from each other as well as time together .This brings me nicely to my next point.

I insist on some quality time together. We should try as much as possible to have dinner together and maybe have date night where it's just the two of us doing what we did in the beginning. A chance for me to get dolled up for him and to be treated like a princess again (though I’ve never dated a guy who treated me like a princess in the first place, hmm). Speaking of dinner; the food issue is a big one for me. Actually, the whole home maker issue is huge. While I can cook and clean with the best of them, I have every intention of working full-time and cannot see the logic of leaving the house and returning at the same time as my husband, and then he goes to put his feet up in front of whatever sporting event is on, while I slave away in the kitchen to cook dinner, and then wash up after while he catches the highlights of the very same game he watched earlier! No, no, no. It is not happening! We will split the work 50-50. Yes, you heard me, 50 -50! We will take it in turns to do all cooking and other housework! Before the lynch mob turns its attention to me, let me explain. He doesn't actually have to cook. He can order take away, hire a cook, take us out for dinner, I really don't mind. As long as there is food on the table when it is his turn to provide food, we will have no problems. If I go hungry however, that is a whole different matter; and I will not be held accountable for my actions.

Honey, have your toys as long as I can have mine. This will come as no surprise but my toys include shoes, bags and lots of clothes and in the interest of my husband's sanity and my safety (as Olawunmi so eloquently put it), I will have perfected the art of hiding new purchases as well as all evidence that might incriminate me. And when I wear that insanely beautiful Roland Mouret dress (no copies because we'll be able to afford the real thing) for dinner with him and he comments on how sexy it looks; I'll say with very real conviction: ' This old thing? Thank you baby. I must have lost weight since I bought it all those years ago which is why it fits so well'.

Finally, on the issue of video hos; sorry, I mean the 'works of art' flaunted on MTV Base. Please, he should watch to his heart's content. I have to admit to a certain fondness for Keifer Sutherland and Michael Ealy so all's fair in love and TV totty. As long as we don't compare each other or make each other feel insecure, then I think it's actually healthy to be able to 'appreciate' the female or male form in front of your partner.

I don't think I have been unreasonable ... so, what's the verdict? Am I resigned to a life alone?