Thursday, October 04, 2007

Nothing Worth Living For

Sorry I've been away for a while, and thanks for actually missing me. Truth, your comment was very funny and while I didn't make your challenge of updating before the 30th of September, it's only a couple (okay 4) days after.


Another apology for returning on a bit of a depressing note but this is the first time I've felt compelled to write in a while. I heard today from someone I used to work with that a man that also worked at the company commited suicide a couple of days ago. He hadn't come into work for two days and today, the MD got a call telling him that the man had thrown himself in front of a train. He was in the process of a divorce and when his wife had left him about 5 months ago, he didn't come into work for quite a few days and when someone managed to reach him, they heard the news. He came in a few days later having lost a couple of stone and while he was obviously upset, he was the same as he always was and did his job well.


Two things struck me when I heard the news today. The fact that you never know what someone is going through. The people who worked closely with him are crying and beating themselves up thinking that they should have realised something was wrong. But from what I can remember of him, there was honestly no way to tell. He was in his late forties or early fifties I would say. A tall, good looking older guy, and a bit of a flirt. He was witty, very posh and I remember bursting out laughing one day when I heard a conversation he was having with someone where he went '... and as I said to Judi Dench...'. He became a bit quieter after his divorce and it was no secret he wasn't handling it very well but I couldn't have been more shocked when I heard the news. I sincerely pray nobody reading this has ever thought of ending their lives, but if you have, please talk to someone about it, they'll give you some perspective and give you a reason to live, even if it's only because they don't want to have to live without you. A regular of a pub I used to work in when I was at uni also killed himself. He was young, handsome, very funny and very friendly. There was a bar maid who was totally in love with him because he was so charismatic and yet he was obviously dealing with things we couldn't see.


The other thing that struck me was that I couldn't imagine (although I literally tried) the feeling of having nothing to live for. That feeling that there is nothing good about life until he finally woke up one day so tired of it, and unable to face another day of living, he wrote a note and jumped in front of a train. I thank God that suicide has never ever crossed my mind and that there has not been a single second of any single day that I haven't had plenty to live for.

In theory, my feelings about people who commit suicide aren't favourable. When faced with it though, I just feel overwhelmingly sad. It feels like such a waste of a life.

I pray for the people who love him and I pray he finds peace.

12 comments:

LondonBuki said...

Wow...

It's so true, you don't know what anyone is going through. People might put on a brave face but they might be going through hell. Life is really hard for a lot of people.... God help us all...

I must admit that sometimes, I've felt very helpless and frustrated and had some crazy thoughts go through my mind but I am thankful I have always been aware that I have soooo much to live for. That people have gone through stuff a million times worse and they've survived and are stronger...

May his soul rest in peace.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

This is very heart touching indeed. It is true that we can never know what people are going through and just a smile from someone could really help someone in dire need.

I too pray that his family find a way of closure and not to feel bad about what has happened. I pray also that his soul rests in peace. What a post to come back to, to remind us as christians to continue to spread the love of God, because we just don't know at what point we may meet them.

Have a good weekend.

Calabar Gal said...

It is true. So many people we pass on the road each day are going through so much but keeping it all inside and letting it eat them all up - me included. (This is no laughing matter)

May his soul rest in peace. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Where there is life, there is hope. God can always turn things around and make it better. Soemtimes letting it out is better than holding it all in. Just also heard of a young girl that just hung herself. Hmmmm... God help us!!!

Noni Moss said...

You finally update and then write something soo utterly depressing. Sigh. My thoughts are with his loved ones and those who loved him. Hope you are dealing ok as well.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Oh God this is terribly sad... second death i've read of today... i think i'll leave this blog reading thing till another day... but on a happier note.. welcome back.. i've missed you

Uzo said...

You are back and oh my what a subject. I can only imagine the lever of depression that one must be going through to consider let alone actually go through with it....

cally-waffybabe said...

How sad. Like yourself, i see no reason why anyone should feel that life isn't worth living. People have been through worse situations and are still standing. Ah well...

cinnamonqueen said...

On a happier note, Vick's updated and so have I - cause enough for celebration?! :)

cally-waffybabe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

dona eis requiem aeternam,
ure blog is so good (to read)
i cant imagine writing one though

Daddy's Girl said...

A very eloquent post - as you put it, it's such a waste of life. I can only imagine how his family and friends must feel - wondering what they could've said or done to stop him from ending it all... wondering how they could have missed the signs... gosh, the torment they must feel. There is always something to live for, regardless of how tough life gets - God help us to always see that and to help others around us see it too.