Friday, October 26, 2007

I Want a Man Who...

This is probably the most personal post I've ever written but it's forced me to really think about what I want in a guy. It's funny because I've had to overcome a couple of personal prejudices to write this for example, the first time I have ever uttered the words 'I want a man' was in the title of this post. Please note that I'm not saying I want a boyfriend, only that I'm open to the possibility of one.
I've heard that it is a good idea to write a list, a list of qualities that you shouldn't compromise on. I've been wanting to do this since I saw it on Yellow Ibo Girl's blog (and I've stolen a couple of points from her) so here goes.


I want a man who (in no particular order) …

… is a good person. There isn't one word I can use to qualify this but he should be the type of person who is polite and respectful to everyone because he doesn't think of anybody as beneath him. The kind of person who does good things not because of what he will gain but because it is the right thing to do. The kind of guy who says please and thank you, who would do anything for the people he cares about, who people call when they feel they have no one else to call. I need him to be the kind of person that cares about injustices and events even though they don't affect his life

… I'm very attracted to

… is ambitious. I don't care what he does, just that he wants to be the best he can possibly be at it. I want somebody for whom mediocrity isn't an option

… smiles, often and easily

… sees the best in every situation and in every person …

... likes to be active and likes the outdoors. For whom summer means walking in parks and hiking and exploring the city

… loves to travel

… will try most things once, if it doesn't go against his principles

… has principles and morals and who will stand up for them to anyone, including me

… recognises my strengths and believes in me more than I believe in myself

… tells the truth even when it is the most difficult thing to do

… is witty, sarcastic and has a great sense of humour

… gets along with my brother

… my family and friends not just approve of but like too

… is very intelligent

… believes me when I say that it is over if he ever cheats on me, and has no intention of testing the theory

… is thoughtful. He doesn't have to be a full blown romantic - I can live without flowers on valentines day but little, well thought out gestures go a long way

... is generous in every way. Not just with material things but with his time and affection

... who genuinely respects me, values my opinions and feelings

... is clean and tidy

... is secure

... who adores everything about me

I'm pretty sure I'll add to this list in the future but I'll stop here for now ... know anyone that fits the bill? (Only kidding). I know I'm picky but trust me, I'm totally worth it ;p

30 comments:

mochafella said...

know anyone that fits the bill?

Yessss... J-E-S-U-S.

Mari said...

lol@^

… gets along with my brother
any particular reason?

LondonBuki said...

Praise the Lorrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddd!!!!

You updated!!!! Oh I can't breathe, unbelievable!!! LOL!!!

Seriously... This is an interesting idea... this list. Hmmmmm....

I think it's really good to know what you want in a man/woman so that you don't find yourself settling for someone who is just "okay"...

Anonymous said...

I hear that Mr. J. Alakija is very much available. He fits the bill, ever given him some thoughts!!

Naughty Naughty me.

~Mimi~ said...

lol @ The anonymous above!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some joker.

cally-waffybabe said...

I hope you get that man that suits your bill. You deserve the best, so good luck girl.

kemi said...

At least you know the things you want in a man and i guess thats the best starting point.

Bella Naija said...

Welcome back...have been checking your blog hoping you would update.
As per your post, I feel u. This is such a good exercice to do...Infact I will have to do one myself. Ciao

My 2 cents said...

Aaaw,

We should swap lists,I want the exact same things and I think I found it "wink, wink"!!

Inuke Omotola Davis said...

there are guys out there who fits the bill, you just have to give one a chance.

azuka said...

I think when the bug hits you, you just might like someone who's almost the complete opposite... :-P

truth said...

Nice...nice. Please help me plead with my Mr to "smile often and easily". He's totally cute but would rather keep a straight face (even in pictures) instead of showing off that nice smile.lol.

Just read your post on the suicide. Na wa o (forgive my pidgin english non-Nigerians). There's always something good to live for. Life's worries are here to stay, people just have to be brave enough to face them...and in the worst case ignore/resist them.

Vickii hope you are doing great.

truth said...

...Anon, did you say J. Alakija is available??? What happened to the cutie girlfriend in his pics? Stop it o!..before I target him as an inlaw-in-the-making.Lol

CONSCIOUSNESS said...

...decent post...! You seem to have profiled an IDEAL man...!! A feature not easily found in mortals. However, identifying the characteristics you desire is a well thought out plan...a compromise of sorts is often required especially as "telling the truth even when it is the most difficult thing to do" is a listed feature...Please note that though most chaps may not have all of these features, the ideology behind a strong and loving relationship will present both parties the ability to grow and evolve into near-perfect complimentary partners. Under such circumstances, symbiotic 'happiness' is often attainable…Having said that I have no doubt that a hot and very intelligent ‘mami’ like yourself will have no problems…!!
Peeeaaacceeee!!

Vickii said...

@ Mari: My brother has always wanted a brother and we're quite close so I know that he'll want to be close to the person I end up with. If he doesn't like them or doesn't get on with them, like it or not, it'll bother me.

@ anon: Mr. Alakija is a great guy but unfortunately we're not interested in each other like that. He will make some other girl very happy though!

Cyclone said...

Its always great to find someone who loves and adores you. That gives you whole heap to hold on to. However, I always feel an important quality in a partner is that that person actually wants to be loved by you. OR maybe just loved period.

Sometimes the goods are a little shop soiled though in generally good condition. A personmight appreciate all that is lovable and really appreciate it. But might have some deep reservations about the few blights that come with that.

I'd rather have someone who is committed to me than committed to being with me anyday.

joicee said...

Nice list...Go for it, girl

I should come up with a list too lol

LNC said...

Insightful!
Its best knowing what you are looking for hence no compromise. How are you?

Uzo said...

This your updating sporadically thing - i am not liking very much oh.

Very interesting post. You can find elements of these things you want in some people...But all...not sure....

Soul said...

Vickii...
hmmmm, I've read through what you want, but honey....
what do you need?.

Ever thought about it from that angle?.

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

I don't see anything out of the ordinary in your requirements...

Dayo said...

Hey Vickii, Do you meet up with all of these qualities at all times? LOL. I guess not. Not because you are a horrible person but simply because you are human. And you have your days. Likewise our men.

My take on listing qualities we want in our men is this: We do not have a list of things we want in a best friend, we just are friends with them. And we subconsciously nurture that r/ship so it gets richer with time. It’s the same with guy/girl r/ships. You just kick it with that someone that identifies with your beliefs and morals (and vice versa) and if he is sensible he'll keep you and you him. If he is rubbish, you will generally allow him go the same way the other bad eggs in your life went.
I am still learning though so don’t take my word for it ooo.
What do you think?

Onada said...

i think everyone should have a checklist for what they want in a guy that way you are not settling for less than you are worth. I know you deserve all of it and even more. Mr. Right should be surfacing soon :)

Uzo said...

Update jare....

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

fantastic writeup... i like this list.. and yes you are totally worth it... this is pretty much what everygirl wants i think... well for me just add TALLer than me and if possible has bow legs... lol

Vickii said...

@ Dayo, I do agree with you about not having a list of qualities we want in friends but I think you'll find many grown up friendships don't go the distance and I think it's because it's only later in the friendship that we realise that there are things we need that our friend isn't providing.

However, I do get your point, I know in reality, I'm just going to meet someone and 80% of my list will go out the window but I think I will hold on to the 20% or so that really matters to me.

cinnamonqueen said...

Vickii, that's pretty much any gal's perfect guy. :) I love the way you write, effortlessly sensual and feminine.
ps. who on earth is the anon. matchmaker who is trying to hook you up with jide? :)

Vox said...

Do not look any further gurl. am Here! lol

HayleyElizabethHeinbaugh said...

Amen!

Anonymous said...

My oh my.. self-delusion in bucketloads!
No doubt you'll be 'adding to this list' forever. Little good it will do you! Don't think, feel!