Some Girls…
So, you know those girls right? The type who has been in a relationship since they discovered the opposite sex at the age of 12 - Yes, I know for some it was much earlier than that but for the sake of decency; we'll stick with 12. Anyway, they're now in their mid-twenties or nudging at their late twenties and they've been in at least four long term relationships, had countless flings and have 'been in love' God-knows-how-many times? You know the type; they find themselves alone for barely a couple of months in between relationships and complain that they feel lonely; 'after all what's the point of all the great experiences in life if you don't have anyone to share them with?' We're all friends with the type; we only hear from them when they've broken up with the most recent 'love of their life' and as soon as they meet their next 'soul mate', we're discarded to the furthest depths of their memories' along with winter clothes in the summer, feather boas and ugly shoes, except of course those items are aired more frequently than our friendship is. We all know the type. My question is; when did 'that type' become the norm???
I'm 24; I've had 3 relationships; none of them meaningful and none of them lasting very long. I just don't meet that many guys that make me want to give up my freedom. And why is that so unusual? I thought that the whole point of love is that it's supposed to be rare and hence; special. I'm still young, I have my entire life to settle down. I've had a few flings; some of them ill-advised attempts at making something out of nothing and others a genuine appreciation of time spent with someone with whom a relationship would never work. That doesn't make me easy ... in fact, I am anything but. I want to see the world and I'm more than happy to get going on my own, or with a few friends who I can stand to spend long amounts of time with. I want to be great at whatever I decide to do, I don't mind that I'm not one hundred percent sure what that is and most of all I like the freedom I believe I have earned. The freedom to be and do and say whatever the hell I like for no other reason other than the happiness it bestows upon the cockles of my heart.
Now I know this is the point at which some women reading will be shaking their heads, feeling sorry for me and thinking: 'She is too selfish and if she is not careful, then she will become set in her ways and then (shock) never get a man". The guys who are reading probably think I'm a player and sound like a bit of a good time girl. Well, to those people, I want to say I'm single by choice. I get a lot of relationship offers and here's a secret; guys actually like girls who don't depend on them for their very existence. I'll also have you know that I have every intention of settling down and I'm happy to admit I want children and all that good stuff but what is the rush?! I truly believe that for better or worse, one day I'm going to meet somebody who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and as I have every intention of living for a very long time (God willing), I repeat; What is the rush?
What really puzzles me is when 'those girls' became the norm and I became the radical? Those girls who I at best pity and at worst, want to shake and tell to stop being so pathetic, are now everywhere and I can't figure when it happened. Is it age? Is it something that is lying stagnant in all of us women waiting to be activated by some traumatic event like your younger sister getting married before you? (Please, please note the sarcasm with which that sentence was meant). Is it life experience? Is life really better as part of a twosome and am I just deluding myself into believing I am happy? Or is it that really, truly, every singleton only pretends to be like me until they find a man and thereby become a part of the privileged club that 'they' belong to?
Well they can have their precious club and everything that goes with it. I have no desire to become a card carrying member of the ‘I'm-a-mere-shell-of-a-woman-without-a-man’ posse. I'm just going to enjoy whatever is in store for me for now and let tomorrow (and hence potential man and child issues) take care of itself.
Notes
1. In the interest of fairness, I know a lot of men are just as bad. If you know any, please feel free to name and shame them but I personally haven't come across many.
2. For the guys, I don't hate men. I like men, I enjoy the company of men, I love having conversations with some men, I one day hope to settle down with a man and have his twins and spend the rest of my life with him etc; I don't however, need men/ a man.
3. For the women, I'm not against your having boyfriends/ meeting an amazing guy/ settling down nor am I jealous of any of the above. I am happy for you! All I'm saying is there is a lot more to you than being somebody's girlfriend/wife and you should enjoy being by yourself if you find yourself in that situation. After all, no man will ever love / respect/ know you like you deserve to be if you don't first love/ respect/ know yourself.
So, you know those girls right? The type who has been in a relationship since they discovered the opposite sex at the age of 12 - Yes, I know for some it was much earlier than that but for the sake of decency; we'll stick with 12. Anyway, they're now in their mid-twenties or nudging at their late twenties and they've been in at least four long term relationships, had countless flings and have 'been in love' God-knows-how-many times? You know the type; they find themselves alone for barely a couple of months in between relationships and complain that they feel lonely; 'after all what's the point of all the great experiences in life if you don't have anyone to share them with?' We're all friends with the type; we only hear from them when they've broken up with the most recent 'love of their life' and as soon as they meet their next 'soul mate', we're discarded to the furthest depths of their memories' along with winter clothes in the summer, feather boas and ugly shoes, except of course those items are aired more frequently than our friendship is. We all know the type. My question is; when did 'that type' become the norm???
I'm 24; I've had 3 relationships; none of them meaningful and none of them lasting very long. I just don't meet that many guys that make me want to give up my freedom. And why is that so unusual? I thought that the whole point of love is that it's supposed to be rare and hence; special. I'm still young, I have my entire life to settle down. I've had a few flings; some of them ill-advised attempts at making something out of nothing and others a genuine appreciation of time spent with someone with whom a relationship would never work. That doesn't make me easy ... in fact, I am anything but. I want to see the world and I'm more than happy to get going on my own, or with a few friends who I can stand to spend long amounts of time with. I want to be great at whatever I decide to do, I don't mind that I'm not one hundred percent sure what that is and most of all I like the freedom I believe I have earned. The freedom to be and do and say whatever the hell I like for no other reason other than the happiness it bestows upon the cockles of my heart.
Now I know this is the point at which some women reading will be shaking their heads, feeling sorry for me and thinking: 'She is too selfish and if she is not careful, then she will become set in her ways and then (shock) never get a man". The guys who are reading probably think I'm a player and sound like a bit of a good time girl. Well, to those people, I want to say I'm single by choice. I get a lot of relationship offers and here's a secret; guys actually like girls who don't depend on them for their very existence. I'll also have you know that I have every intention of settling down and I'm happy to admit I want children and all that good stuff but what is the rush?! I truly believe that for better or worse, one day I'm going to meet somebody who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and as I have every intention of living for a very long time (God willing), I repeat; What is the rush?
What really puzzles me is when 'those girls' became the norm and I became the radical? Those girls who I at best pity and at worst, want to shake and tell to stop being so pathetic, are now everywhere and I can't figure when it happened. Is it age? Is it something that is lying stagnant in all of us women waiting to be activated by some traumatic event like your younger sister getting married before you? (Please, please note the sarcasm with which that sentence was meant). Is it life experience? Is life really better as part of a twosome and am I just deluding myself into believing I am happy? Or is it that really, truly, every singleton only pretends to be like me until they find a man and thereby become a part of the privileged club that 'they' belong to?
Well they can have their precious club and everything that goes with it. I have no desire to become a card carrying member of the ‘I'm-a-mere-shell-of-a-woman-without-a-man’ posse. I'm just going to enjoy whatever is in store for me for now and let tomorrow (and hence potential man and child issues) take care of itself.
Notes
1. In the interest of fairness, I know a lot of men are just as bad. If you know any, please feel free to name and shame them but I personally haven't come across many.
2. For the guys, I don't hate men. I like men, I enjoy the company of men, I love having conversations with some men, I one day hope to settle down with a man and have his twins and spend the rest of my life with him etc; I don't however, need men/ a man.
3. For the women, I'm not against your having boyfriends/ meeting an amazing guy/ settling down nor am I jealous of any of the above. I am happy for you! All I'm saying is there is a lot more to you than being somebody's girlfriend/wife and you should enjoy being by yourself if you find yourself in that situation. After all, no man will ever love / respect/ know you like you deserve to be if you don't first love/ respect/ know yourself.
9 comments:
Very intuitive, and I must say you both are on point.
Unfortunately, I'd prefer to be in your shoes. When you have friends who only discuss how 'sweet' their girls were when they were 'banged', you'll realize that both sexes have their evils...
"how 'sweet' their girls were when they were 'banged'"
Loll - guys say that?
Good article missy - you convince me to stick to my non-committment wayys. Ladies repeat after me ...
"We dont need no men!!!"
(just kidding :-D)
I have dated a few guys, but like you dont feel the need for a man. This means that if i find myself becoming less like me, or in a relationship were i'm getting less than i know i deserve, I am quick to end it. As a result I have a few relationships that don't go past the 3 month mark, shoot more like some that dont go past the 3 day mark.
I always held out cos i just knew that my time will come. And it did. I am in the sort of relationship i knew i wanted, the type they tell u doesnt exist anymore, so it is worth the wait. In the mean time enjoy being single. You sound like you do anyway
lol...WOW...funny post, but RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!...I think its also a cultural thing. I think for most naija babes...we were made to believe in "man and woman" ...not "woman" alone. Our society is predominantly run by men..and since the hayday, women have been known to depend on men..and its only just changing now. And thats why so many young women are having "wedding fever" these days and rushing into marriages....becus of the archaic belief that we have to have a "plus 1" to be complete.
As someone said, it's mostly a cultural thing. We define single people as "half a couple" instead of a whole human being. I think it's important to discover and enjoy yourself while you are single. But more importantly, nothing should change when you do get into a relationship. Some ladies seem to lose their identity/goals/passion when they get together with a boyfriend/husband. I think you can still enjoy being an individual even while in a relationship.
@ overwhelmed naija babe, zaiprincesa & tp: Funnily enough, I don't think it's just a Nigerian thing, I think the only difference is that for Nigerian girls, the pressures come from outside way before they come from within; family, friends even people who have only just met you find it perfectly normal to quiz you on your lack of a husband. And if you're very lucky, they'll pray for you!
My dad is always jokingly (but not really) asking me if I have a boyfriend yet to which I respond, 'no daddy, I haven't found anybody good enough for me yet'. He laughs and agrees with me but I have the feeling that in a few more years, his reaction will be totally different! Lol!
LOL @ his reaction being different in a few years! So true!!!
I totally understand where you are coming from.
I have read this before... did you repost it?
Yup ... I posted it as a guest blogger on my friend, Olawunmi's blog and decided to cheat by starting my own blog with it. Hey, you've got to start somewhere right!
Yes!!! I knew I'd seen it!!! I really liked it and when I was reading it, I was like, "I am so sure I've read this before!".
Well Done and hope to read more from you.
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